Audition Monologues by The Monologue Project

A STAGGERING DANCER

"A staggering dancer" is not quite the review you'd hope for.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

A WITH NO E

The perfect EA still makes a daily coffee for an executive who's no longer with the company.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ABLEIST PIG

You gotta be careful what you say these days. You never know when you might cause offense

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

ACCIDENTAL JOHN

John Smith goes to the dentist. Or does he?

COMEDY | MALE

ACCLIMATISATION

Emotions are like the weather. If you're cold, a small drop in temperature has a huge effect. But can you build resilience?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ANTICIPATION

The anticipation of your Hibiki Harmony 30th anniversary limited edition whiskey might be better than the drink itself.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

AS GOOD AS A HOLIDAY

It’s not OCD, I just like things in a specific way and deviations are like an itch inside my brain which gets worse and worse.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ASKING FOR HER HAND

A lesbian asks a conservative father for his daughter's hand in marriage.

DRAMA | FEMALE

BABY FEET

Small feet, small… you know. That's what they keep saying to him, anyway.

COMEDY | MALE

BABY HANDS

When your hands are so small you can model kids' toys for K-Mart, don't expect to attract anyone but creeps.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAD TIMING

The best time to bash someone to death is when you're neighbour is screaming, "I'll kill you!" at a wasp.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAND CAMP

Your plan to get Jasper Whitehorse's daughter to do your flute lessons worked! Now, don't fangirl too hard.

DRAMA | MALE

BIG SCORE

How guilty would you feel if you sold 450 identical pairs of shoes to a suicide cult?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

BILLY DOESN'T LIKE YOU

Breaking up your child's friendship because you really can't stand the kid's mother.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

BITE YOUR TONGUE

A foul-mouthed child, a passerby who won't have a bar of it.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BLANK

A sufferer of chronic fatigue syndrome describes how life goes by without them.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BRIDEZILLA

A bride plans her perfect day. Everything is coming along, though one important thing is still missing.

COMEDY | FEMALE

CAFE FENG SHUI

When a guy starts coming to the café you love with his stupid leather jacket and his stupid thermos.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CAN'T BITE BACK

How do you fight back when you're bullied online?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CANCEROUS BREAKUP

Are you a monster if you broke up with your girlfriend because she got cancer? Yes, yes you are.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CHANGE BLINDNESS

If something falls apart slowly over time, you don't notice it. It could be your kitchen bench, or your husband.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CHOICE PARALYSIS

Every choice you make leaves an infinite number of unmade choices dying in the dust.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CITIZEN'S ARREST

Could you stand by if a crime were committed? A crime as grave as… spitting one's gum on the ground?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLEARLY AN ACCIDENT

A duck hunter kills a protestor. "Clearly an accident," says the magistrate.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLICK TO KILL

When your homophobic high school friend clicks his fingers and gets hit by a bus…

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

COURTESY SEAT

A pregnant lady, elderly person, disabled person and injured person all fight for the courtesy seat.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

COWARD

A socially awkward woman in the park, a shady man, playing children and a coward.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CUSTOMS INTERROGATION

An 80-year-old lady is stopped at an airport and her daughter gives the customs officers a piece of her mind.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CUT

Nothing's worse than when your scene ends up on the cutting room floor. Especially when you did… you know…

COMEDY | FEMALE

DECOY WIFE

If you're going to kidnap and ransom out the boss's wife, you'd better make sure she's the right person.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DODGED THE BULLET

Would you fake a heart attack to cover a fart?

COMEDY | MALE

DON'T PAT MY DOG

Johnny gets jealous when his dog shows affection to a friend.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DONUT TESTER

After failing a job interview, a fake donut tester gets serious about the artform.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DREAM HOLIDAY

A holiday to a small town where someone's mother went missing 20 years ago.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

DROPPED COMMITMENT

The consequences of a dropped commitment are real and raw.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

EDUCATION

Some people need an education. Sometimes it's a tap about the noggin.

DRAMA | MALE

ENDZONED

Being friendzoned sucks. But being endzoned - that's something else indeed.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

EVERYONE OWNS A TELEPORTER IN THE FUTURE

You arrive in present times from the future but your teleporter has run out of battery. Would anyone believe you?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

EVERYTHING I EVER DID WAS FOR YOU

Your mum calls you and says "everything I ever did was for you", "I love you" and "goodbye". What's about to happen?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

EX SEX DOLL

Imagine coming home to find your husband having sex with a blow up doll with his ex's face taped to it.

COMEDY | FEMALE

EXPOSURE THERAPY

If you face your fears a little bit at a time, you'll get used to them… until your fears start moving in front of you.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FAIR PARANOIA

A known murderer grows increasingly paranoid as an army of untrained intelligence officers perform surveillance on him.

DRAMA | MALE

FAMILIAR EYES

Would you let an innocent person have their organs harvested to save your child's life?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

FOR THE EXERCISE

The best and worst things about being a prostitute.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

FORCED FAILS

Have you noticed how people always laugh when they hurt themselves in fail videos? Is this a new way to spread joy?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FUCK BITES

Kellogg's cornflakes were designed to suppress your sexual appetite. Where's the cereal that increases it?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

GAINS

I have to keep going. I have to be stronger. I have to gain, because I don’t know what will be thrown my way.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GAY BY ELIMINATION

Just because you're dating another man, doesn't mean you're gay.

COMEDY | MALE

GENIUS

Am I a genius? I'd sound like a wanker if I said "yes", wouldn't I?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

GETTING IN FIRST

If you found out your husband was going to have an affair, wouldn't you want to get in first?

DRAMA | FEMALE

GETTING OUT OF THE WAR

You hate the invaders, but you're a coward. Can acting crazy get you out of the war you don't want to die in?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GLOBOPHOBIA

A paralysing fear of balloons and a child in great danger.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GOD'S ERROR

Is praying telling God he got it wrong?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GUIDE POOCH

Best café in the world. Bad coffee, but loads of doggos. But what happens when a guide dog comes by?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GUILTY, NOT GUILTY

Too guilty to sell that fancy watch you found for a profit? Maybe the next guy won't have the same reservations.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

HAGGLING

How perverse it is to haggle with someone in a third world country when your ten cents is worth ten dollars to them.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HANGRY

Happiness makes you angry. Anger makes you sad. Sadness gives you perspective - you have a lot to be happy about.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

HEALTHY HABITS

A health freak with a dirty habit.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HIT MY KID

A neighbourhood kid kills a man's dog and comes around with his dad to admit his wrongdoing. Violence ensues.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

HOSPITALITY WITHOUT CONSENT

Accused of a horrible crime when all he did was insist she come in for a meal…

DRAMA | MALE

HOW WAS YOUR MEAL?

A very honest response to a waiter asking "How was your meal?" Maybe a little too honest.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

I CAME HOME AND DISCOVERED MY BOYFRIEND HAS A MULLET

Would you do it? If you came home and your boyfriend had a mullet? Would YOU do it too?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

I COULD'VE STOPPED HIM

You protected your husband when he did an awful thing for the right reason. But what if it escalates?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

I F**CKED HER BECAUSE I LOVE HER

Chad's imagination isn't all that great. What can he do to feel a bit more appreciation for his wife?

COMEDY | MALE

I HOPE SHE SUFFERED

When you bump into the guy who unfairly dismissed you and taunt him about his dead wife.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

I LOST THE PASSKEY TO OUR MUM'S BRAIN

Your mum's brain is stored on a passkey-protected hard drive, but the cleaner just threw out the passkey.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

IMPORTANT DECISIONS

A last meal. And it's ice cream. And it's for a dog.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

IMPULSIVE PROBLEMS

When you impulsively kill your boss and dispose of most of his body, someone has to clean up the mess.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

INBRED REVENGE

Damien tries to blow up a McDonald's by hitting the stove with a baseball bat.

COMEDY| MALE/FEMALE

INSULTED INCEL

Her last words were: "You were pretty good, for an incel."

DRAMA | MALE

IT'S JUST THAT
NOW WE KNOW

Power doesn't corrupt. It just shines daylight on who you really are

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

IT'S NOT VERY GOOD

Why would a rich person shoplift? And why did they deface that disabled child's artwork?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S MY EX

When your accent reminds your date of her ex cheating on her

COMEDY | FEMALE

KEYBOARD WARRIOR

Making the world a better place, one dickhead at a time.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

KIDNAPPER'S CONUNDRUM

When you kill a murderer, what do you do with the witness?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

KNOWING A NAME

Can the power of knowing someone's name get you free rent?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

LIZARD HUMOUR

Maybe you're not quite as witty as you thought you were.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

LOVE IN THE LAUNDROMAT

Is it easier to go talk to someone or just buy the laundromat you saw them in and wait for them to come back?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

LOVING MANDY

You love Mandy. When's a good time to tell Mandy this? Why, Mandy's wedding, of course!

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

LYING

When you realise you've been nothing but insincere, the time is right to show your true feelings.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

MAN VS PORN

Mark's monkey brain VS technology that gets twice as good every two years. Can he fix his broken spreadsheet?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

MY DAD GOT
HIRED BY THE CIA

Why would the CIA hire the most technologically inept human being on the planet?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

MY SPOT

What do you do when someone's in your spot at the gym?

COMEDY | MALE

NICE AND EMPTY

Why doesn't Daniel care that his partner cheated on him?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

NON-SERIOUS

A ridiculous counter offer to a reasonable plea bargain. Offensive? Sure. A sign of desperation? No doubt in the world.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

NOT A HEAD OF A LETTUCE

Tokyo finds a human head in a delivery of fresh vegetables. Will customer service help?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

NOT FOR FRIENDS

There are some things you should only do with your partner, not a friend.

DRAMA | MALE

OKAY COP, BETTER COP

An okay cop does the job. A good cop puts every single crim behind bars.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

ONE HOUR

Two thousand, three hundred and eighty-two hours, two thousand, three hundred and eighty-two lies.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ONLY PEEING

A man is arrested for peeing behind a tree in a public park. Will he save Xbox?

DRAMA | MALE

OWNING THE HOMOPHOBES

One homophobic slur, one deadly comeback. You wanna win a fight, hit 'em in the pride.

DRAMA | MALE

PILLS FOR GRIEF AND GUILT

Taking a pill after the death of your child can totally remove your grief. But will the guilt that makes you feel be worse?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

PRETALIATION

Would you kill someone you knew would hurt someone you love? An act of pretaliation might be needed.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

PRO PROTEST

An accidental protestor finds an addictive new pursuit.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

PROCRASTINATION

Trying to write, succeeding in procrastination. Could it be they don't want to write the content?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

PTSD

Once a soldier, always a soldier. Thrashing that man was an accident.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

PUTTING IT OFF

A man is about to commit suicide when he sees the new season of Game of Thrones has just dropped.

COMEDY | MALE

QUIET CARRIAGE COURTESY

Don't you hate that one person who always plays dance music in the quiet carriage?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

RANGER DANGER

A park ranger is fighting a man who's scattering his brother's ashes. Is it an injustice or a case of "live and let live"?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

REACTION

A man accidentally kills someone in the street and threatens a witness.

COMEDY | MALE

REALLY JILTED

Julie never thought she'd get invited to this wedding. What other occasion could repair burnt bridges?

COMEDY | FEMALE

REFUGEE PROTEST

A protester meets a refugee doctor he despises.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ROBOPLUMBER

If you build a robot plumber that's the exact same model as the robot gigolo, customers will definitely get their pipes fixed.

COMEDY | FEMALE

RUNNER'S HIGH

Runner’s high makes exercise easy. Effortless. Energising! Not everyone gets it though.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

RUSH HOUR IN EMERGENCY

Young Benny is in emergency suffering from a spinach allergy. But the nurses are distracted by an angry drunk.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

RUSSIA #1 HACKER

Russia #1 hacker protect you from bad government.

COMEDY | MALE

SAUCE PRANK

When your big little brother comes up with a great prank halfway through beating you up.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SCHRODINGER'S MORON

Schrödinger's Moron: the moron you're looking at is always bigger than the other morons.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

SECRET GRANDMASTER

You played Tetris so much you accidentally become best in the world. Don't let anyone see you though!

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

SERVED COLD

It's the day your son's murderer is released from prison. You have no choice but to deliver real justice.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SHAMPOO

The world is so much better when you have killer hair.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

SMEARED

After being jailed for a murder you didn't commit, you get out to find a YouTube video detailing your guilt.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SMELLOLOGIST

What's a weirder career than making beer out of vaginal bacteria? A sex doll smellologist.

COMEDY | MALE

SPECIAL DAY

The happiest day of her life came a few hours earlier than expected.

DRAMA | FEMALE

SPEED RUNNER

A video game speed runner is losing to King RnG… until a new glitch appears.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BUY SCRIPT IN "AUDITIONATRIUM"

STAY

A teen with an unhappy school life tries to convince their mum not to leave home.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

STOPPED LAYING

Chickens sometimes come up with unique calls they use around their owners. Stanley is given a name.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

STUPID ROOSTERS

Roosters which haven't quite got it right.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

SWORD SHOCK

A woman goes into battle in medieval times to avenge her sisters. Shock overwhelms her.

DRAMA | FEMALE

TAPPING OUT

A drummer playing at 10PM. Is tonight the night you'll slip a strongly-worded letter under his door?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

TERRORFIED

A bomb explodes at a stadium and blinding chaos follows.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

THE CROWN REMOVER

When the wrong person was crowned winner in a beauty contest, it was someone's job to take the crown off her head.

DRAMA | FEMALE

THE GOLDEN RECORD

A teenage alient discovers the record Earth sent into space… and it's totally lame.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

THE LONG EDGE

But what exactly IS the "best paper to stock tray three of the level 8 printer"?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

THE REAL LOSER OF THE CUSTODY BATTLE IS ALWAYS THE CHILD

You can divide the furniture in a divorce, but can you divide the child? Turns out, maybe you can.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

THIS LOVE EXISTS

Could you help me find somone who looks like the AI-generated woman I fell in love with?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

THWARTED

A robber is almost thwarted by a little girl when she points her finger at him and says, "Bang bang you're dead."

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

TRASHED APARTMENT

Saving the world one tweet at a time.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

TWINS

When your mates ask you if you'd "do twins" in front of your girlfriend, what are you supposed to say?

COMEDY | MALE

TWO THOUSAND AN HOUR

Two thousand dollars an hour? Here's what I'd actually pay two thousand dollars an hour for…

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

UGLY PREJUDICE

There's a lot of prejudice in the world, but have you thought about what it's like for people who are just plain ugly?

DRAMA | FEMALE

UPSELLING

When there's not enough cash in the till at Starbucks, a robber teaches the barista sales skills.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

URINAL FLY

You know those plastic flies in urinals? The ones you pee on so you don't miss? What if it was a real fly?

COMEDY | MALE

WARMING UP

Emotions are like the weather. If you're cold, a small drop in temperature has a huge effect. But can you warm people up?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

WONDERLAND

When your husband goes to sleep, you dream of handsome, shirtless men, foot massages and gaffer tape.

DRAMA | FEMALE

WORK OUT

An enthusiastic exercise instructor with a group who can't quite follow.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

YOU HAVE TO CARE

You give a homeless guy a coffee and he doesn't even thank you. Not even a nod. He's just down on his luck, right?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

YOUR WORST ENEMY

What would you wish on your worst enemy? Could it be that you need better enemies?

DRAMA | FEMALE

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM

Two and a half hours in to that neverending Zoom meeting and you really need to pee. I mean really.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE