Audition Monologues by The Monologue Project

ACCIDENTAL JOHN

John Smith goes to the dentist. Or does he?

COMEDY | MALE

ANTICIPATION

The anticipation of your Hibiki Harmony 30th anniversary limited edition whiskey might be better than the drink itself.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

BABY FEET

Small feet, small… you know. That's what they keep saying to him, anyway.

COMEDY | MALE

BABY HANDS

When your hands are so small you can model kids' toys for K-Mart, don't expect to attract anyone but creeps.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAD TIMING

The best time to bash someone to death is when you're neighbour is screaming, "I'll kill you!" at a wasp.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAND CAMP

Your plan to get Jasper Whitehorse's daughter to do your flute lessons worked! Now, don't fangirl too hard.

DRAMA | MALE

BRIDEZILLA

A bride plans her perfect day. Everything is coming along, though one important thing is still missing.

COMEDY | FEMALE

CAFE FENG SHUI

When a guy starts coming to the café you love with his stupid leather jacket and his stupid thermos.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CHOICE PARALYSIS

Every choice you make leaves an infinite number of unmade choices dying in the dust.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLEARLY AN ACCIDENT

A duck hunter kills a protestor. "Clearly an accident," says the magistrate.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLICK TO KILL

When your homophobic high school friend clicks his fingers and gets hit by a bus…

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CUT

Nothing's worse than when your scene ends up on the cutting room floor. Especially when you did… you know…

COMEDY | FEMALE

DECOY WIFE

If you're going to kidnap and ransom out the boss's wife, you'd better make sure she's the right person.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DODGE THE BULLET

Would you fake a heart attack to cover a fart?

COMEDY | MALE

DON'T PAT MY DOG

Johnny gets jealous when his dog shows affection to a friend.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DROPPED COMMITMENT

The consequences of a dropped commitment are real and raw.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

EDUCATION

Some people need an education. Sometimes it's a tap about the noggin.

DRAMA | MALE

EX SEX DOLL

Imagine coming home to find your husband having sex with a blow up doll with his ex's face taped to it.

COMEDY | FEMALE

EXPOSURE THERAPY

If you face your fears a little bit at a time, you'll get used to them… until your fears start moving in front of you.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FAIR PARANOIA

A known murderer grows increasingly paranoid as an army of untrained intelligence officers perform surveillance on him.

DRAMA | MALE

FOR THE EXERCISE

The best and worst things about being a prostitute.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

FORCED FAILS

Have you noticed how people always laugh when they hurt themselves in fail videos? Is this a new way to spread joy?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FUCK BITES

Kellogg's cornflakes were designed to suppress your sexual appetite. Where's the cereal that increases it?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

GETTING IN FIRST

If you found out your husband was going to have an affair, wouldn't you want to get in first?

DRAMA | FEMALE

GETTING OUT OF THE WAR

You hate the invaders, but you're a coward. Can acting crazy get you out of the war you don't want to die in?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GLOBOPHOBIA

A paralysing fear of balloons and a child in great danger.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GOD'S ERROR

Is praying telling God he got it wrong?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HANGRY

Happiness makes you angry. Anger makes you sad. Sadness gives you perspective - you have a lot to be happy about.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

HEALTHY HABITS

A health freak with a dirty habit.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HIT MY KID

A neighbourhood kid kills a man's dog and comes around with his dad to admit his wrongdoing. Violence ensues.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

HOSPITALITY WITHOUT CONSENT

Accused of a horrible crime when all he did was insist she come in for a meal…

DRAMA | MALE

HOW WAS YOUR MEAL?

A very honest response to a waiter asking "How was your meal?" Maybe a little too honest.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

I CAME HOME AND DISCOVERED MY BOYFRIEND HAS A MULLET

Would you do it? If you came home and your boyfriend had a mullet? Would YOU do it too?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

I F**CKED HER BECAUSE I LOVE HER

Chad's imagination isn't all that great. What can he do to feel a bit more appreciation for his wife?

COMEDY | MALE

I HOPE SHE SUFFERED

When you bump into the guy who unfairly dismissed you and taunt him about his dead wife.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

INBRED REVENGE

Damien tries to blow up a McDonald's by hitting the stove with a baseball bat.

COMEDY| MALE/FEMALE

INSULTED INCEL

Her last words were: "You were pretty good, for an incel."

DRAMA | MALE

IT'S JUST THAT
NOW WE KNOW

Power doesn't corrupt. It just shines daylight on who you really are

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

IT'S NOT VERY GOOD

Why would a rich person shoplift? And why did they deface that disabled child's artwork?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

KEYBOARD WARRIOR

Making the world a better place, one dickhead at a time.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

KIDNAPPER'S CONUNDRUM

When you kill a murderer, what do you do with the witness?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

LYING

When you realise you've been nothing but insincere, the time is right to show your true feelings.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

MAN VS PORN

Mark's monkey brain VS technology that gets twice as good every two years. Can he fix his broken spreadsheet?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

MY SPOT

What do you do when someone's in your spot at the gym?

COMEDY | MALE

NICE AND EMPTY

Why doesn't Daniel care that his partner cheated on him?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ONLY PEEING

A man is arrested for peeing behind a tree in a public park. Will he save Xbox?

DRAMA | MALE

OWNING THE HOMOPHOBES

One homophobic slur, one deadly comeback. You wanna win a fight, hit 'em in the pride.

DRAMA | MALE

PUTTING IT OFF

A man is about to commit suicide when he sees the new season of Game of Thrones has just dropped.

COMEDY | MALE

REACTION

A man accidentally kills someone in the street and threatens a witness.

COMEDY | MALE

REALLY JILTED

Julie never thought she'd get invited to this wedding. What other occasion could repair burnt bridges?

COMEDY | FEMALE

REFUGEE PROTEST

A protester meets a refugee doctor he despises.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

RUNNER'S HIGH

Runner’s high makes exercise easy. Effortless. Energising! Not everyone gets it though.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

RUSH HOUR IN EMERGENCY

Young Benny is in emergency suffering from a spinach allergy. But the nurses are distracted by an angry drunk.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SAUCE PRANK

When your big little brother comes up with a great prank halfway through beating you up.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SCHRODINGER'S MORON

Schrödinger's Moron: the moron you're looking at is always bigger than the other morons.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

SHAMPOO

The world is so much better when you have killer hair.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

SMEARED

After being jailed for a murder you didn't commit, you get out to find a YouTube video detailing your guilt.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

SMELLOLOGIST

What's a weirder career than making beer out of vaginal bacteria? A sex doll smellologist.

COMEDY | MALE

SPEED RUNNER

A video game speed runner is losing to King RnG… until a new glitch appears.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BUY SCRIPT IN "AUDITIONATRIUM"

STUPID ROOSTERS

Roosters which haven't quite got it right.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

TERRORFIED

A bomb explodes at a stadium and blinding chaos follows.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

THE CROWN REMOVER

When the wrong person was crowned winner in a beauty contest, it was someone's job to take the crown off her head.

DRAMA | FEMALE

THE REAL LOSER OF THE CUSTODY BATTLE IS ALWAYS THE CHILD

You can divide the furniture in a divorce, but can you divide the child? Turns out, maybe you can.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

THIS LOVE EXISTS

Could you help me find somone who looks like the AI-generated woman I fell in love with?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

TRASHED APARTMENT

Saving the world one tweet at a time.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

TWINS

When your mates ask you if you'd "do twins" in front of your girlfriend, what are you supposed to say?

COMEDY | MALE

UGLY PREJUDICE

There's a lot of prejudice in the world, but have you thought about what it's like for people who are just plain ugly?

DRAMA | FEMALE

UPSELLING

When there's not enough cash in the till at Starbucks, a robber teaches the barista sales skills.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

WORK OUT

An enthusiastic exercise instructor with a group who can't quite follow.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

YOUR WORST ENEMY

What would you wish on your worst enemy? Could it be that you need better enemies?

DRAMA | FEMALE