Cast
Alicia: a woman in her 20s. Dressed in black.

Scene
I’m Alicia, from Argentina. I moved to Australia when I was nineteen. Thought I’d do the world in alphabetical order but stopped when I realised Austria was next. It might sound funny to you but my proudest achievement is that I have a job.

The first few months I was a cleaner and a fruit picker but the work never lasted. It was hard to get a real job, especially as a foreigner with no skills or experience. Until I came across this ad in the local paper. It looked very much like a joke but I decided to call anyway. A man named Brian answered and after a few minutes I knew it was real. He sounded too legitimate. Brian told me they’d give me a trial and I cried with gratitude. He said it was great how much passion I was already showing.

My first morning came around and I went to a funeral. Some might say this is a bad way to start a career but I’m not a superstitious person. The deceased was an old lady by the name of Ming Chu Smith. It was a small procession and I stood near the end of the second row. I didn’t know Ming Chu. I wasn’t sad about a stranger passing away but there were all these people standing around and not a single one of them was crying. Half of them looked bored, like they wanted to leave and watch TV. This poor woman. She’d been here for eighty-nine years and no one loved her enough to cry.

Alicia starts getting emotional.

It was so sad. I mean, what’s wrong with these people? This poor old lady must deserve at least one good sob. She was someone’s mum. Someone’s grandma. Maybe when she still had her own teeth she was someone’s lover. She was certainly kind to animals. A good neighbour. I couldn’t imagine how sad I’d be if it was my own darling Nana.

Alicia reaches the climax of her sadness then very suddenly sobers up.

All of a sudden tears were streaming from my eyes. I let out a noise. The woman next to me let out a sniffle then the woman next to her chokes. Before you know it, they’re all moaning and weeping and screaming “Why, God?”

When the service was over a man with red and swollen eyes came and gave me a big hug. “Thank you. Mum told us on her deathbed that all she wanted was for everyone to cry at her funeral. I’ll put in a good word to your boss.”

Brian was very happy with the report from Ming Chu’s son and I passed the test. Two hundred dollars per funeral, they paid me. Plus a travel and tissue allowance. The work depended on clients but it was up to ten per week. Did you know over one hundred and fifty thousand people die daily? You’d be surprised how many people hire a crier.

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