Cast
Paul: an everyday office worker and family man. Dressed in a suit.

Scene
I wouldn’t say I’m boring. Forty, married, two kids, accounts receivable at an investment firm. Like to watch the cricket. Fond of mustards and chutneys. Huge fan of a good relish. My wife loves me because I’m quote unquote “stable and reliable.” I’m a thrill a minute.

So a person like me isn’t the type you’d expect to find hanging out in a gay bar, but there I was. I was checking my phone and sipping a light beer at the bar when a man appears beside me. “Excuse me, is this yours?”

He’s holding my wallet. “Yes. Thanks so much for handing it back. You could have drunk all night for free.”

“Can I drink for ten minutes for free?”

How rude of me. I buy him a thank-you whiskey and he asks what a guy like me is doing in a place like this. I tell him I was supposed to meet my friend Darren, but he’s stood me up. We chat about my job and family and passion for early twentieth century jazz, and he tells me he’s some kind of art dealer.

He gives me his card and says we should do this again sometime. Ian Roberts. I stay for a few minutes after he’s left and finish my third light beer. It’s only then that I notice the only female here is behind the bar.

Bloody Darren!

Gabby’s asleep so I do a crossword. Six letters. R something something G something D. Manly men and mountains. Manly men and mountains. My mind wanders over to Ian’s Armani suit, velvet radio voice and unplaceable cologne. That man was so… Rugged! (awkward realisation) I put the crossword down and go to bed.

A few days later I’m handling an account for an Ian Somebody and it makes me think of him. Allowing my reflexes to take over, I pull out his card and call the number. “Ian? It’s Paul, from the bar. I have a free evening. Want to do dinner?”

At six I call my wife and tell her I’m stuck at work. At six oh two I ask myself what the hell I’m doing and at six oh two and a half I get up to leave just as Ian enters. His face lights up and he steers me to a seat.

A bucktoothed teenaged waitress approaches to take our order and Ian puts a hand lightly on her arm. “We’ll take the fillet mignon and a pumpkin quiche, darling. Shall I fix you up now?”

The girl falls in love with him right there. “It’s all good, mister. You can pay when yer done eatin’.”

Ian asks a million questions about me, never once breaking eye contact. I ask about him too but he gives quick answers and turns it back to me. The women in the room can’t stop glancing over at us. Neither can half the men. I’m making them jealous. I mask a smile.

My phone rings and I glance at the screen. I panic for a second. “Something wrong?” Ian asks?

“No, it’s just my wife.” I don’t answer. We go back to our dinner and conversation.

When we’re done, Ian leaves a few coins on the table as a tip and we leave. “Paul, what are you doing Saturday?”

Saturdays are a nightmare. Kids sport, shopping, taking Gabby to see her father, my turn to cook. “Nothing. What time?”

What am I thinking? Gabby’s going to kill me.

I put out my hand when we say goodbye and he pulls me into a brotherly embrace. I watch him for a full minute as he strides away, almost fainting with embarrassment when he looks back at me...

END OF EXCERPT