Cast
Edmund Percival Hilary: a Kiwi mountain climber.

Scene
May second, 1953. The grandeur of this place is impossible to put into words. As I gaze out at the impenetrable whiteness of the mountains beyond our day’s camp I reflect upon life’s fragility, how easy it is for the candle of our life… no, I just said life. The candle of our being to be snuffed out. These crags are so vast and the, um, ivory! The ivory snow blinds the eye as it struggles to distinguish the sun’s glare from the cool white… bugger.

(calling out) Tenzing! Bring my thesaurus, will you? (quieter) Bloody mountains. How many bloody synonyms can I find for “white?” (calling) Come on now! How long does it take to fetch my Roget? I packed the largest edition the store had so it would be easy to find. (pause) Well I told you not to tether it to a damned yak. You’re supposed to carry it in your day pack so I can access it when I work on my diary. Thank you.

Right: white, white. Here! Alabaster, ashen, blanched. “Blanched snow”? Hmm, no. Frosted, hoary, pearly. Yes, pearly! No, wait. “Pearly” doesn’t work on its own. Bugger this.

(seeing someone) Say, John, let’s finish up that conversation we were having about bees. (pause) Why? Because I’m an apiarist. (pause) Oh, you know that but you’d rather jump into a crevasse. That sounds almost suicidal. Really not a smart move for an expedition leader. Charles! Over here man. (pause) Look Charlie, you know what’s going on around here. We’re going around this damned mountain, right? (pause) What do you mean up it? How are we going to get all the yaks up the ice walls? (pause) Just to the summit and not to the other side? What’s the bloody point of that? (pause) Well I’m going to have words with that wretched Sherpa.

(calling) Tenzing! Tenzing Jamling Norgay, why is Charles saying we’re going up this mountain and not around it? (pause) There and back? Why would we want to go there and back? Is this a shopping trip? Am I going to pick up vegemite and a new Teflon frying pan up there? (pause) Well maybe you need to work on your accent buddy because that is not what I signed up for!

Edmund sits to denote that time has passed and it’s a new day.

May eighth, 1953. Our yaks have been disappearing. I noticed the one carrying my complete Britannica had been lagging behind so I spent some time walking with him and, well, we bonded. I gave him a name and decided I’d adopt him after the journey. The next day he was nowhere to be seen, but my encyclopaedias were strapped to a different yak. I tried to find out what was going on over dinner but these locals have appalling English. The food was fantastic though. (calling) Tenzing! Tenzing, what was in that stew? (pause) What?! Mr Yakkles.

Edmund faints...

END OF EXCERPT​​​​​​​