Cast
Becca: a bride.

Scene
Oh. My. God. I looked so beautiful. My hair was like, a bouquet of gold ringlets and I had nails to match. Pure silver bling on the ears, neck and wrists. The dress was this slim-fitting number with a sea of pearl pieces that made me look like a white mermaid. Except with legs. The light shone off me like a mirror ball and I could totally see my reflection in people’s eyes when they told me how amazing I looked.

Danny looked like a prince. He was my Prince Charming and I was like Ariel, the Little Mermaid, except with legs. Except that she did have legs when the witch turned her into… (waves it off) doesn’t matter.

We got married in a five-star hotel with one hundred of our family and closest friends cheering us on. Daddy was practically sobbing while he walked me down the aisle. In a happy way but. Ellie my Maid of Honour did the most beautiful reading. Danny’s lips were trembling when he made the vow – it was so romantic.

It really was the happiest day of my life. The flowers were exquisite, the food incredible; I couldn’t go two steps without five people taking my photograph. We ate and danced the night away and when Danny carried me up to the Honeymoon suite he made me come for the first time ever like four times.

I woke up in the arms of the man of my dreams and he had the cutest sleep face. It was all like (makes a sleep face). I’m always totally ramished in the morning so I went down to breakfast in my nightgown.

The waiters ignored me when I sat down and I had to get my own food from the buffet. I ate croissants and baked caramel French toast and lemon pancakes alone and no one took a single photo of me.

Danny came down and straight away asked me what was wrong, but I pretended it was all perfect. The Honeymoon was the same. We went to Hawaii and it was totally like from the movies, and everyone was so gorgeous to us and everything was totally beautiful. But… the only guy who took a photo of me was some old dude who was probably hoping to catch some nip slips.

I got so depressed when I was back. I’d had the happiest day of my life, right? So… I was never going to be that happy again? Had my happiness peaked at the age of twenty-one?

Becca looks at her watch and mouths a calculation regarding the time. From this point on, she shows occasional hints of waiting for someone – fidgeting, looking around, etc.

Danny could see I was miserable no matter how much I lied about it. Married life wasn’t what I thought it would be. He kept asking “What’s wrong, babe? What’s wrong?” But how could I tell him? He was my Prince Charming. I’d break his heart if I told him I didn’t love him anymore, that there weren’t butterflies in my stomach like the first eight months.

I wanted to leave him but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I’m like, a super nice person, not a stone-cold heartbreaker. So I got Tammy, who’s a total slut, to see if he’d sleep with her if she came onto him. And you know what? The bastard totally did it. Tammy came around playing the drunk and lonely card and he didn’t stop her when she blew him. What a philanthropist pig!

He tried to make it right but he could never live with what he did and said he’d failed me and I deserved someone better. (brightly) So we got divorced and I met the cutest guy a couple of months later. He was really smart and made chemicals for an engineering company, or something, and we got engaged after six months. I was so excited. I was going to have another perfect day...

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