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I watched a boy almost drown.

They say you don’t know how you’ll act in an emergency until it happens. Some people run into the burning building, others run to safety. Those who have heroic tendencies always say the same thing in interviews: “I just did it.” They don’t choose; they don’t think. It’s nothing more than a reflex.

I saw a boy slip into a river and I was pleased to learn that my reflex a positive one. Positive, but a little different to what I expected though. Uh, I’ll explain.

I was out for a walk and he was there, I guess exploring the forest. I froze at first, watching as he splashed uselessly. As he cried out for help, I sprang into action and ran right down to the water so fast I don’t really remember doing it. I just remember looking right into his eyes, his face twisted with panic and terror.

As I pulled him out to safety, I felt this electric surge of something I can only describe as force run through my body. I’ve never been so needed in all my life. I was the difference between someone’s life and death. I was filled with adrenaline for many minutes, maybe even an hour. Helping this boy energised me like nothing before it ever had.

I dreamt about him – his eyes and his screams – and woke up buzzing. I needed it to happen again. I needed to help someone else. I bought a pass to the local pool and watched from a towel every day, hoping someone would fall in or something. It didn’t work, of course, with parents and lifeguards, but at least I got hella fit swimming for a few months.

I had to try something else. Going to the pool hoping to be a hero was crazy. A, it’s pretty weird. B, I wasn’t needed there.

I learned how to go on the dark web and bought a police scanner. This was a game changer. Depending where the incident was, I often beat the police. I could help people. I’d break up fights, give CPR to unconscious people, pull victims out of car accidents. I was really making a difference. And every time I helped someone, I had that same surge of force fill me with energy and love and delight.

But it was too risky. A cop recognised me at a brawl – she’d seen me at a car accident a couple of weeks earlier. I told her it was a bizarre coincidence but she was hella suspicious and went so far as to say she hoped she didn’t bump into me again. So I threw away the scanner and stopped chasing emergencies. I hated it, but I had to.

I came up with the idea to spend time around black spots. Dangerous stretches of roads, slippery cliffs in tourist areas, places where extreme sportists went to dance with death. Seemed like a good way to save people in need… but do you know how unlikely these freak accidents actually are? They happen every day, sure, but they are sparse. Turns out the chances are about zero you’ll be in the right spot when they occur...
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